RUGator

What women say: “I did three loads of laundry, shuttled the kids back and forth to school and practice, made dinner, paid bills, and went grocery shopping.”

What men hear: “hhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.”

What woman ask: “How was your day.”

What men answer: “Fine.”

What men think: “I just conducted open heart surgery on a paraplegic, wolverine while singing the second verse of “Sewanne River,” riding a unicycle backwards.”

For me it’s about once a month.

And that’s enough.

A migraine headache and its curse.

They haunt me. Always just on the horizon. Lurking. Waiting to take a few days from me. Usually it’s some combination of lack of sleep, not eating the right foods in the right amounts at the right times, and changes in the weather.

Barometric fluctuations (usually from high pressure to low pressure, i.e., “good weather” to “bad weather”) are my nemeses. Today, in the northeast, I faced my body’s perfect storm.

So I came home from the golf course (where I caddy and don’t play), loopless after a five hour rain induced wait, with the onset of a migraine.

Into a hot shower (running the water via shower massage on my temples) and into bed.

Migraine sufferers know too well the other “pain” of these headaches. Trying to convince your beleaguered family that you’re again under its spell. They often just don’t understand. It’s so frustrating.

To myself (and after having to hear about “another headache” from mama bear), I mused, “What would I like to do on this fine day? Let’s see. Relax with my family and perhaps watch some football or crawl under the covers with ice on my head and my brain pounding away pleading for sleep? I think I’ll opt for the latter. Just because. Yeah, that’s what I’d rather do.”

And now, hours later, I feel as though I spent the previous night losing a quarters match with some 27 year old German Octoberfest guzzling triathlete named Sven.

Tomorrow the weather clears. But I’ll be forced to play catch up with this curse’s after effects.

“I found it unwatchable,” my cousin told me after I suggested he see it.

My mentor teacher tossed it back at me after watching it. “I’m not going to waste my time watching David Lynch vicariously living out his perversions.” (well….excuuuuuse ME!)

And with that, I come to my favorite film:

“Mulholland Drive,” directed by David Lynch. The film features Naomi Watts (her first big role) and is essentially a “wild and disturbing ride” through the dark side of Hollywood.

After watching it for the first time, I sort of just sat staring at the screen. Wondering what I had just witnessed, I had trouble shaking the film from my mind for months.

While I wasn’t sure what had happened, I was sure that something had happened. It is disturbing. And I would argue, if experienced as Lynch intended, a journey into the dark side of human nature.

For students of film (or anyone interested in movies), I still recommend seeing it first. Then go to the following terrific review/analysis at The Modern Word.com: http://themodernword.com/mulholland_drive.html

…I had to walk three miles to school. In the snow. In summer.

…we never talked back.

…there was no such thing as “your side of the story.”

…we wore our older sibling’s clothing.

…we swam in the Passaic River. And we were thankful.

…we ate our food uncooked.

…money didn’t grow on trees.

…we went to school when we had “the flu.”

…there was no such thing as air.

…we hunted for dinner.

…gas was free.

…politicians were honest.

…men opened doors for women.

…our parents hit us when we misbehaved.

…we ate our allowance.

…we paid for everything in cash.

…nobody cursed.

…we respected our elders.

…no one lied.

…we just made things up.

…we were just like you.

Pushing the vacuum cleaner back and forth along the floors this morning and I thought about someone too; maybe somewhere in Richmond or outside of Des Moines (as a kid, I would secretly pronounce it “des-mon-EEEs” while the social studies teacher tried to teach us the state capitals) or in North Dakota. What might that someone be thinking?

Would they be wondering too when they could sneak outside to smoke the cigarette they weren’t to supposed to be smoking anymore? When they could squirrel away into the bathroom one more time? How they could get away?

I was sad.

But then the dog barked to go out. The one that wears a diaper so he doesn’t pee on the carpet anymore. And by putting him out, I became temporarily saved.

Across the street, a neighbor was distributing newly purchased mulch into his flower beds. Doing it with his son; this day; this time. Today would probably not much be remembered. By him. Or them. But I would take note.

And upstairs, my girls would be in bed playing.

Needing somewhere to go, I was thankful (am thankful) that I could come here to record these things. Even if it’s just for the day.

A Saturday morning in western New Jersey.

Democracy rules on the first tee of every golf course.

It doesn’t matter who you are. I know because I’ve witnessed it first hand as a caddy. And I know it too as a player.

I’ve seen some of the most successful people from all walks of life alone on that first tee. I’ve seen some of the best players in the world on that first tee too. And they all have to go through the same things. The mental side of the game. The physical part. And the emotional side also.

It’s a game played inside the head.

It doesn’t matter what brings you there. You still have to face yourself. Alone. Over the ball.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes you succeed. Sometimes you fail. But always you have to move on.

It’s sort of like life.

That’s why golf is the best game.

Did you ever wonder what makes certain people successful in their lives and careers?

I’ve been very much interested in studying those who “make it.” So much so, that I’ve dedicated a lot of time trying to figure out how they do it.

I went to high school with Jennifer Holland. That was a long time ago.

She was one of my dearest friends. Sitting in front of me in math class, she was a confidant who I shared many good times with (oh, and yes I know I just ended that sentence with a preposition).

Since then, we’ve had the chance to reconnect and I found her journey interesting.

Currently, she runs Holland Creative Services in Jacksonville, Florida

http://www.hollandcreative.com/gallery/portfolio2.html

a successful “personal concierge for marketing and communications,” as one of her clients describes.

Recently, I asked her some questions which I thought would shed some insight on how she did/does it.

1. What service does your business provide?

Brand development, branding, visual communication (i.e., logos, brochures, Web sites, advertising annual reports, magazines, publications).

2. Three words to describe your management style?

Open, honest and inclusive.

3. It’s been said that, “every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” How have you seen this notion come into play in your career/life?

Well, I can share many stories in response to this question, both in my career and in my life. The one I will share is related to how I started my own business. I was an art director working for a large company with an in-house advertising department. I kept having a leading that I was supposed to start my own company. However, I was a single-parent with no incoming child support, so I was quite fearful about acting on this internal nudge.

I started thinking about who could utilize my skills and talents. I cold-called the Jaguars. It lead me to some freelance work, but certainly not enough to support three elementary-aged children. Change was still calling me, so I accepted a position as a communications director at a private school.

The leading didn’t stop, and I spent a weekend in quiet reflection, prayer and meditation. Afterwards, I returned to work and actually heard myself turning in my notice. Talk about a leap of faith!

So, I began my business — working from home, with one freelance client. The Jaguars. It turned out to be the best decision I ever made and has lead me to thirteen years of a business I love.

4. What’s the one piece of advice I could give to my students (and others) that you have found to be most instrumental to your success?

Be open, be active, and pay attention.

5. Who is/was your mentor?

That changes from time to time. Although I currently have a mentor with my business, probably the most influential mentors were personal. When I admire an attribute in someone, and I wish to strengthen or amplify that attribute in my own life, that person becomes a personal mentor — although they may never know it. For example, my former brother-in-law was the most generous person I have ever known. So, for the attribute of generosity in my life, he was my mentor. Even though he has passed away, he still remains the mentor for generosity in my life.

6. Where are you “going” (business wise and personally), i.e., do you have goals for yourself in these two areas (and you don’t have to spell them out if you’re uncomfortable) and are they written down?

Yes, I keep fluid goals. I believe in allowing for chance and opportunity to play a role in the goals I set.

7. What’s your favorite quote?

“When you come to the end of everything you know and are faced with the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”

—Barbara J. Winter

8. What do you spend most of your business day doing?

That’s a difficult question. My day changes constantly, depending on the needs of my clients. The best answer is simply — responding to client needs. I am always looking for the best way to meet a client’s needs, with respect to objective, budget and target audience.

9. Your 2-3 key(s) for balancing work and family.

Keep them separate. Don’t work when at home with the family and don’t have family when you are at work.

10. Coke or Pepsi (could be diet of either)?

Neither. Coffee, water and wine — in that order.

If your personality could be described as a Tootsie Pop, which flavor would yours be and why?

I’d be a purple one.

Why?

Governments have a vested interested in keeping their populations in fear.

Don’t forget that reality as you think for yourself.

Must pass spending bill yesterday.

Must invade foreign country now.

Be careful.

Take care.

Watch out.

Be good.

Hope for the best.

Keep your fingers crossed.

God willing.

And so on.

What are you willing to accept?

Fear mongering comes with an inherent excuse built in for those who choose to allow themselves to be victimized.

“I’d rather go 0-30 than 0-0.”

We don’t take too much bullshit, even though we put up with a lot of it.

We go shopping.

We refer to our sports heroes by their first names.

We walk and talk fast.

We call New York City, “The City.”

We’re o.k. with Philly.

But we’d rather live in Jersey.

We know there’s a difference between South Jersey and North Jersey.

We don’t all live off a particular exit of the Garden State Parkway.

We say “subs” and “hoagies.”

We know what “coffee and” is.

We go out for “slices.”

We’re either Met or Yankee fans. Not both.

We’re either Jet or Giant fans. Not both.

We say “are-inj” not “or-inj.”

We go “down the shore.”

We know that Jersey girls rock.

We like buttered rolls for breakfast.

We have attitude.

We care about things.

We love nicknames.

We get the paper.

We call just about any sort of soda, “a Coke.”

We know that outsiders make fun of Jersey.

We don’t let it bother us.

Because we know we’re real.